'Tis the Season

for weddings.

I still cannot believe we are at the marrying age. (Well, some of you are).

My best friend gets married in two days. TWO. DAYS.

It seems like yesterday we were blowing bubbles in our chocolate milk while sitting in gross cafeteria chairs, skipping gym class to hang out in the library and having slumber parties.

Where did the time go? I'm sure with two days left before the nuptials my best friend wouldn't even have the brain power left to blow a chocolate milk bubble. Apparently a lot of planning goes into these events? I'm not sure, I just show up in the designated dress and stand where I'm told.

Speaking of this year's dress; it is a doozy.

Whomever thought to make a dress out of ultra-shiny tangerine material WITH(!!!) pockets ought to be put in front of a firing squad and shown no mercy.

That whole "You can shorten it and wear it again!" thing is bullshit. If I wore that sucker out socially, I'd be shunned. Forever branded as the girl that was too cheap to spend money on a decent dress. Wait... maybe that is fitting?

I'm not even out of one bride's maid dress and I already have another friend e-mailing me about HER bride's maids dresses. Sheesh.

"Just a little black cocktail dress!", my fanny!

Let it be known, ladies, that when (if) I get married, you'll pay.

My first thought was to put every one of my brides maids in something with numerous ruffles and preferably in a disgusting shade of pink, blue or yellow. ... On second thought, let's go crazy and do all three!

Kidding.

No, no. What I have in store will be far more entertaining. I'm saving all those dresses, girls, but not for the fond memories I had in them. I've decided I'm going to shorten them and have YOU wear them again!

But why stop there? I think then I'll have them all sewn together, just like (gasp!) quilted dresses! Of your very OWN!

It'll be like Tim Burton meets Raggedy Anne.

The only thing you have to look forward to is large quantities of champagne, but even that comes after a few hours of wearing those masterpieces.

Just a little something to keep in mind when browsing for something to dress your favorite bride's maid in. :)